I hoped I’d never have to write this. Mom’s near the end we think. Her heart and breathing are worse and her kidneys and liver are shutting down now. She doesn’t have the strength in her legs anymore, and her arms and everything else are getting weaker. She spends more time sleeping. She is eating a little and drinks a lot of pink lemonade and chocolate milk and chews/sucks on several cups of ice a day. Her speech is getting harder to hear and understand. She doesn’t have the air to talk much. There are times that she talks more clearly, but in short bursts. She needs pretty much full-time care, but we’ve been doing that because she doesn’t qualify for professional caregivers and we can’t afford anyone else’s help. It’s physically and mentally/emotionally exhausting for everyone. The hospital won’t help either. They don’t treat her well. Assholes! Our healthcare system sucks.

My mental health is getting worse and my physical health is too. I’m not sleeping well because everything in my body hurts and I can’t shut my brain off and I don’t know when Mom will need something. She hasn’t needed me in the middle of the night so far, but we never know what will happen. She isn’t supposed to be driving anymore and she can’t transfer between her wheelchair and the van herself so my stepdad and I have been going to the stores for her and she orders groceries to be shipped as much as possible and me, my stepdad, and brother put them away.

Dragon and Leo know something is up. Dragon goes to Mom’s room to check on her a lot and get head scratches. He meows at nothing in particular lately, like he’s seeing ghosts or shadow people maybe? Leo triggers her breathing issues more so we have to keep him away from her but he still tries to see her. He gets sad a lot.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s